I do not make resolutions or decree a new lifestyle makeover or proclaim some large goal at the beginning of each new year. If I had to make one this year it should have been to not expose myself to other people’s petri dishes of hellish illnesses. Alas, that is not always under my control and the un-sanctified germs found their way into my house via the hubby’s workplace. The new year arrived while I was sick and lying on the couch. Binge watching Masterpiece Theater and Scandal left little time for reflection on goals for 2014.
I am a whirlpool of negativity. It is just who I am, who I have been as long as I can remember. My mother would often lose patience with me and scream that if she gave me choices A, B and C a hundred times over, I would choose D a hundred times over. Those closest to me have come to either accept it or at least have learned tricks to deal with me when I am shackled by it. Yes shackled by it. If there was something I could change about myself, my ability to see darkness everywhere would be what I would change. I want to live with a grateful heart, but my brain seems to have this little passenger, this sock monkey of doom who tells me constantly that whatever I have, whatever I’m doing, it is not good enough. I read a post about blogging the other day suggesting that if we expect people to read our blogs, we should never write negatively, even suggesting finding positivity somewhere in negative things. Spray sunshine on it. Uh. Okay. I’ll work on that cause in my world, if it looks like crap and it smells like crap I usually try to not step in it but I don’t dress it up like a burrito and proclaim it yummy.
This year I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be grateful for and lot to plan for. I have a job I love that provides me with a comfortable income. I have a happy family and we are all for the moment at least, healthy. I have a small circle of good friends that I know I can count on for support if I need it. And my baby is graduating high school this year, has already chosen and been accepted to her dream school with a small pocket of scholarship money before the new year even began. And don’t think that I can’t find the negative in each and every one of those statements. I can, but I shouldn’t. Not to please the writer who said blogs shouldn’t contain negativity, but in an attempt to bring more harmony to my own life, I will strive to focus on the glass that is half full, not the one that was half full till the damn cat knocked it over spilling milk all over the heirloom tablecloth that no one cleaned up and now there’s a big yellow stain and it stinks. No, that kind of focus would ruin the positive vibe I normally radiate. Ha.